


i go to bed with all my lights turned on so i don’t slip away

by gayboyblues



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Trigger Warning: descriptions of sexual assault, been sitting on this for a while, curse words, figured id post it now, it’s not like super graphic but it is there so just be careful y’all, quite a few actually, what happened when Oscar ran away in volume 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24148585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayboyblues/pseuds/gayboyblues
Summary: The sun’s gone down, the streets are only sparsely lit by lampposts, and Oscar might be just a bit lost because he’s stupid and doesn’t think before he does things. Of course he’d get lost on these streets. He barely knows them. Anyone in their right mind is inside by now, but Oscar’s been wandering around for the past twenty minutes in the cold.‘Oz?’ he tentatively asks, but it’s no use. Ozpin is tucked so far back in his mind Oscar doesn’t even know how to begin to pull him out again.
Relationships: Oscar Pine & Everyone, Ozpin & Oscar Pine, Ozpin (RWBY) & Everyone
Comments: 9
Kudos: 160





	i go to bed with all my lights turned on so i don’t slip away

**Author's Note:**

> Finally posting my own version of what happened when Oscar ran away. Please don’t read if it’ll trigger you, I don’t want anyone hurting themselves over a story.
> 
> Title is from the song Sleep Awake by Mother Mother.

Oscar leaves because he needs some time to think and some space to just breathe.

Ozpin’s been silent for so long Oscar’s almost gotten used to having his mind to himself again. He’s not sure if he likes it so much. At least when he had a voice in his head, he was never really alone. Right now, he could definitely use someone to talk to.

The sun’s gone down, the streets are only sparsely lit by lampposts, and Oscar might be just a bit lost because he’s stupid and doesn’t think before he does things. Of course he’d get lost on these streets. He barely knows them. Anyone in their right mind is inside by now, but Oscar’s been wandering around for the past twenty minutes in the cold.

_Oz?_ he tentatively asks, but it’s no use. Ozpin is tucked so far back in his mind Oscar doesn’t even know how to begin to pull him out again.

“Dammit,” he mutters to himself, running a hand through his hair to try to keep his fingers steady. When that doesn’t work, he pulls out the handle of Ozpin’s cane and fiddles with it. He looks at the street names as he passes but doesn’t find any of them familiar.

He is officially screwed.

“Whatcha doin’ there, kid?”

Oscar almost jumps right out of his skin and jerks his head to the side to find a tall, burly man leaning against the side of a building at the entrance to an alley. His voice is deep and sinister, and he has a long scar down one side of his face.

He looks like the literal definition of a bad guy.

_Great._

Oscar grips the handle of the cane tightly at his side. “Nothing, just, you know… walking.”

He’s backing away slowly, thinking not for the first time that if he darts down the street to his left he might find himself somewhere more familiar. Even if he doesn’t, anywhere is better than here.

“Where are you going?”

Oscar jumps again, whipping around and coming face-to-face with another man, just as big as the first. This one doesn’t have a scar on his face, but one of the canine ears on his head has a large chunk missing.

_Now would be a great time to make an appearance, Ozpin._

He gets no response.

He’s starting to get actually scared now. The faunus is towering over him, taking slow steps forward and causing him to take steps back.

Oscar bumps into something and looks up to find the other man standing behind him.

_Oh, fuck._

He gets pushed roughly into the alleyway, stumbling and almost falling to his knees. He catches himself on a wall and brings the cane’s hilt to his chest. He tries to remember how to breathe.

“You got money?” the man with the scar asks.

“No,” Oscar says, but the man shoves his hands in Oscar’s pockets anyway. He searches him so violently that Oscar ends up on the ground.

“No money,” the man says to his companion, then he looks at Oscar again and notices his cane. “What’s this?”

“Hey!” Oscar shouts as the man takes it from his hands. “G– Give that back!”

The man puts a boot to his throat and presses hard enough to nearly stop his breathing. “Shut the fuck up.”

The man removes his foot after the warning, and Oscar can’t even think, he’s so terrified. He wishes more than anything that he never left his farm.

“I don’t think it’s worth anything,” the faunus says after taking a look. “I don’t even know what it is.”

“Fuck.” The man with the scar turns back to Oscar and lifts him up by his collar. “You don’t got anything?”

Oscar shakes his head. His mind is so foggy with fear he can’t even remember how to speak. The men look pissed. Oscar is scared of what that means.

“No money, huh?” The man glances over him and there’s a look on his face that Oscar can’t quite place but that sends shivers down his spine. The man gets close to his face then and whispers, “Maybe you’ll be useful in other ways?”

The man’s breath smells awful, like cigarettes and gingivitis. Oscar’s heart is beating so fast he thinks it might just explode in his chest.

“Pretty boy like you could go for a lot of money,” the man says, studying Oscar in a way that makes his skin crawl. He looks over his shoulder to his partner. “What do you think?”

“Lotta money right there, if you know who to sell to,” the faunus says. “Check him out. Undamaged go for more.”

The man with the scar nods, and then he starts lifting up Oscar’s shirt. That kicks his brain into overdrive.

_Oh, fuck fuck fuck fuck–_

“HEL–”

Before he can get a word out, a hand smacks him hard across the face and effectively silences him.

“I told you to shut up!”

“Be careful! I just said he’s worth more undamaged!”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Oscar’s head is spinning. He’s distantly aware of someone touching his chest and wanting them to stop, but he can’t focus on it. What’s happening?

_Oh gods, oh gods–_

Are those his pants? Did they just take off his pants? He tries to push a hand away but barely moves at all.

_Stop it, stop it!_

Where’s Ozpin’s cane? He needs something to hold.

He’s freezing. Where did his clothes go?

“Hm. There’s no harm in testing out the product, right?”

_Fuck, wait, stop, I–_

“Whatever. Have your fun, but don’t go too far. They like them better unused.”

_Please, don’t. Please, stop._

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be quick.”

He can feel a hand in between his bare thighs.

_Someone help._

There are hands all over him. How many hands? How many people?

_PLEASE HELP!_

**_Oscar?_ **

And, suddenly, he’s not in control anymore. His thoughts are a little clearer, and he can tell his body is moving, but he’s not doing it.

_Ozpin?_

**_You don’t have to look._ **

_Okay._

But Oscar doesn’t know how to not look, so he does anyway. He notices that his shirt and pants are on the ground, and he immediately realizes why Ozpin told him not to.

He’s naked.

These two men are looking at him, in his underwear, running their hands all over him.

He feels sick.

**_You just pull away, like walking into a different room. You shouldn’t look._ **

But Oscar can’t do that. He feels like if he isn’t watching, they’ll just keep going.

**_I won’t let them do that. I’m sorry I even let it get this far. Please, Oscar._ **

_I can’t._

There’s a pause, and it’s almost like Ozpin sighs despite not having a mouth.

**_I understand. Just, let me–_ **

There’s a sudden warm feeling, and it’s almost like Oscar is being hugged, except not exactly. It’s like someone is holding him, but also like he’s wrapped in bubblewrap, out of harm’s way. It’s like he’s being separated from the situation and cradled close to someone’s chest like something precious, the same way he cradled Ozpin’s cane.

**_There. Don’t worry. You’re safe._ **

This entire exchange happens in the span of a few seconds, within the time it takes Ozpin to lift Oscar’s arm and punch the man with the scar in the face.

“Ow, fuck! What the–”

“Back away. Now.”

The voice that comes out of Oscar’s mouth obviously isn’t Ozpin’s, but it barely sounds like his own. There’s a sharp edge to it that Oscar has never heard before. It’s a stark contrast to the warm, soft aura surrounding him right now.

“You brat, I’ll fucking kill you!”

The man with the scar lunges forward, but Ozpin only leans to the side and lands another solid punch, this time to his throat. The man chokes and sputters, landing on his back, and his companion, who seemed about ready to step in before, now steps back.

“Lay another finger on this child, so much as touch a hair on his head, and you won’t live long enough to think about how painful the consequences will be,” Ozpin says, keeping the voice that isn’t his but can’t be Oscar’s even and deadly.

At his sides, Oscar can feel his hands shaking.

“What the fuck?” The man with the scar scrambles backwards. “What the fuck are you?”

Ozpin says nothing, just glares unblinkingly at the man.

The man stands and stumbles toward his accomplice. “Screw this! The kid’s a freak!”

They both run out of the alley, tripping over each other in their haste. When they’re out of sight and Oscar can no longer hear them, Ozpin speaks.

**_Are you okay?_ **

_No._

**_That was a bit of a dumb question._ **

_Yeah._

**_Let’s go home._ **

_Shouldn’t we call the police and tell them what happened?_

**_The most important thing right now is getting you home. We can worry about the rest later._ **

_Okay_.

Ozpin begins gathering Oscar’s clothes and is about to pull on his pants when Oscar interrupts.

_Could I… Can I take back control?_

**_Of course._ **

Oscar can instantly move his arms again, and he quickly yanks on his pants and pulls his shirt over his head. The warm, soft feeling from before is still there, but in the background now. It feels less like it’s cradling him and more like it’s holding his hand. Either way, it’s the only thing keeping him from collapsing in a heap on the ground.

**_I’ll tell you the way._ **

“Okay,” Oscar says, then, “Your cane!”

**_Don’t worry about that right now, Oscar. It’s not important._ **

“Yes, it is,” Oscar says, because it has always been made very clear to him that the cane is important to Ozpin. “Also, I just…”

He needs something to hold in his hands. Something real.

**_It’s okay. I understand._ **

Oscar walks out of the alley, legs shaking slightly, and finds the hilt of the cane abandoned on the sidewalk.

“Found it.”

**_Let’s get you home now._ **

“Yeah.”

**_If you need help walking, use it. It may double as a weapon, but it functions first as a walking stick._ **

Oscar holds the cane out, and the shaft pops out of the handle. He leans on it to steady himself.

“Okay.”

**_Let’s go, then._ **

When he turns a corner and the house is finally in his sight, Oscar almost collapses to his knees and falls apart right there. Finally, somewhere familiar.

**_Let’s get inside._ **

_Right._

Climbing up the steps is a little difficult for Oscar’s trembling legs, but he manages. The cane helps.

When he reaches the door, he pauses. He remembers what Jaune said, what he did. Right now, Oscar doesn’t think he can handle something like that.

**_I’m sorry. I should have been there._ **

“It’s not your fault. We shouldn’t have dug into your past like that.”

**_I shouldn’t have pulled away. I shouldn’t have lied._ **

_You were upset, and it wasn’t our business in the first place. I shouldn’t have let them do that to you._

**_You all had a right to know._ **

_Maybe, but none of us had a right to make you feel like that._

**_How do you know–_ **

“You’re in my head. I felt what you felt. You were really scared. It was almost like–” Oscar stops talking. His mouth goes dry.

**_Don’t think about that right now. It won’t help._ **

“I can’t stop,” Oscar whispers.

**_You need to knock._ **

_I’m scared._

**_I know, but I won’t let anything happen._ **

_You’re scared, too._

**_For you, Oscar._ **

_You’re worried for me. That’s not what I’m talking about._

Ozpin is quiet for a moment.

**_Trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you again._ **

Ozpin sounds very convinced when he says this. Oscar believes him. He drops the rest of the conversation for Ozpin’s sake.

“Okay.”

He knocks.

The door swings open almost immediately, and everyone is staring at him from the other side.

“Oscar!” Nora squeals and flings herself at him.

He freezes.

_Please, don’t._

His head starts spinning again.

**_Oscar, breathe._ **

_I want her to stop touching me._

**_Then tell her._ **

“Don’t…” Oscar says, so quietly he’s not sure anyone heard.

“What?” Nora asks, and she lets him go a little and pulls back.

He can’t talk, he’s so scared. It’s that same feeling from the alley.

_I can’t do this. Ozpin, I can’t do this._

**_You need to breathe._ **

“Oscar?”

**_That’s Ruby. Can you hear her?_ **

_They’re watching me. They’re looking at me. He’s touching me._

**_He’s not here. You need to focus on the people who are here._ **

_I feel like he’s here. I think I’m gonna–_

Oscar shoves Ruby and Nora away frantically, stumbles to the side, falls to his knees, and pukes all over the Cotta-Arcs’ front step.

**_Oscar, do you need me to step in?_ **

“Please, I can’t–” Oscar’s breathing hard, and tears have already started to spill over onto his cheeks.

“Who’s he talking to?” Jaune asks, and fuck, it’s Jaune. But he sounds scared, too.

**_It’s okay. Just tell me when you need to come back._ **

“Okay.”

And then, he’s back in that safe bubble. He feels instantly better, like nothing can get him here.

“Oscar, who are you talking to?” Ruby asks, kneeling by his side and putting a hand on his back. “Is Ozpin–”

“Miss Rose, please,” Ozpin says, voice slightly hoarse. “Oscar needs help right now.”

Ruby pauses, eyes wide, but then her face turns into something more serious, determined, and she nods. “Right, okay. Let’s go inside.”

“Please.”

Ruby helps him up, but Ozpin can walk mostly on his own. Only his hands shake.

“Don’t touch him,” Ozpin says, and he tries to make the aggressive words soft with his voice. Oscar thinks he at least partially succeeds.

“Okay,” Ruby agrees without questioning it.

“Is that Ozpin?” Yang asks as Ruby leads him inside. She sounds like she’s halfway to being pissed off, but her eyes are still a calm shade of lilac.

She saw Oscar puke at the front door. They all did.

“I’ll get a towel,” Weiss says and walks quickly to the kitchen.

_I’m pathetic._

**_No, you aren’t. Don’t even think such a thing where I can hear. That should not have happened to you. You are allowed to be scared._ **

“Ozpin’s back?” Jaune asks.

“Please,” Ozpin says. “I will answer all your questions later, you have my word. But right now, this is about Oscar.”

“What happened?” Ren asks, and his eyes are hard but his words are gentle.

“I–”

_Don’t say it. Please, don’t say it._

Fear spikes in Oscar, and probably also in Ozpin, but an immediate wave of calm sweeps over him to quell it.

“I can’t say, exactly. He was attacked.”

“What do you mean?” Jaune asks, sounding desperate. “What can’t you say? What happened? What kind of attack?”

“Jaune, calm down,” Ruby says.

“Don’t tell me to calm down! How am I supposed to calm down when it’s my fault that Oscar’s hurt!” Jaune yells, voice pitching dangerously at the end.

_It’s not your fault._

The look on Jaune’s face is one of pure helplessness.

_You were just scared._

Oscar wonders if that’s what he looked like in the alley.

_It’s my fault for running off on my own. It’s all my fault._

“Don’t you ever say that!” Ozpin shouts out loud.

Oscar can tell immediately that he didn’t mean to do that. He can feel Ozpin almost try to pull back before realizing why he’s taken control in the first place. Usually, Oscar’s the one who lets their conversations slip out of his head. It’s unsettling when Ozpin does it.

“Professor?” Ruby inquires quietly.

“My apologies,” Ozpin says, adjusting Oscar’s shirt. Oscar just now realizes that his clothes look more of a mess than he does. “I didn’t mean to shout. But it’s no one’s fault. Not Jaune’s–”

_Not yours._

“–not mine–”

**_Yours, either._ **

“–and especially not Oscar’s.”

“And why isn’t Oscar telling us this?” Nora asks, hands on her hips.

“We came here directly after,” Ozpin says. “Oscar got lost. I told him how to get back. I told him not to… I told him to focus on getting home. You scared him, when you… He got scared. At the contact.”

“Oh,” Nora says, deflating a little and letting her arms fall at her sides.

_You couldn’t have known._

“You said you got attacked,” Qrow says, finally. He looks hammered, but his voice sounds sober. “How? What happened?”

“Oscar doesn’t want to talk about it,” Ozpin says firmly.

“That’s all well and good, but if someone is after us, I think we should know.”

“We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Ozpin says to soothe his worries. “If it put the group in danger, I would tell you.”

“Yeah, because you’ve been so good about that before.”

Oscar is rushing forward before either he or Ozpin even realize.

“Don’t say that to him!”

**_Oscar._ **

“No, he doesn’t get to say that to you,” Oscar says, clenching his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. Getting mad on Ozpin’s behalf is easy, and it gives him something else to focus on. “None of them get to say that to you. Ozpin was scared, and his past was not yours to poke around in!”

“I think we had a right to know what we were walking into!” Yang says, and Oscar turns to face her and the others.

“And Ozpin had a right to not relive the worst moments of his life! He didn’t tell you because you’re not him, and you knowing wouldn’t have changed anything. You barely know him, but you just expect him to trust you with everything when he’s already given you so much! You have no idea what he even went through with her! She–”

**_Oscar. Don’t._ **

Oscar stops at that, because Ozpin suddenly sounds as fragile as he did. It makes him shrink into himself a little.

“I know what she did,” he says, only to Ozpin.

The anger is gone, leaving him feeling hollow and vulnerable.

**_I know. Don’t think about it._ **

_I’m sorry I was stupid and got lost and made you go through it again._

There are tears in his eyes now, and a lump in his throat that he can barely swallow past. His legs feel like jelly, and they give out. He backs against a wall and tangles one hand in his hair and uses the other to clutch Ozpin’s retracted cane.

**_That was not your fault. You were scared and needed to get away for a while. You can’t blame yourself for what others decided to do._ **

“I know,” Oscar says and pulls his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself. It’s the closest he can get to hugging Ozpin.

_I’m still sorry._

**_Don’t be._ **

“Does it ever stop feeling like this?” Oscar asks. He’s felt dirty ever since he took his body back, and he wants desperately to just rip his skin off to get rid of the feeling.

**_Not entirely, but it gets easier to deal with. After a while, you don’t think about it as much. A shower might help._ **

The idea of being naked with someone else there, even if it’s just Ozpin, who is only a voice in Oscar’s head – it terrifies him.

**_I could leave until you get out._ **

“No!” Oscar says. Then, quieter, “That’s worse.”

**_Okay. Don’t worry. I won’t leave again._ **

“Oscar?” Ruby asks, taking a step forward shyly. “We’re sorry we got you so upset.” She turns and glares at Qrow, who looks away and says nothing. “Would you tell us what happened? We’re just worried. We wanna help.”

“Don’t make him say it.”

It’s Weiss, who’s finally returned from the kitchen. Her eyes are red-rimmed, just like his probably are.

She holds out a damp rag. “Here, wipe your face. There’s still vomit around your mouth. And–” She pauses and tilts her head to the side to get a better look. “Did someone hit you?”

Oscar lifts his hand to the cheek the man with the scar struck. When he pulls it away, there’s semi-dried blood on his fingertips.

That sends him tumbling violently over the edge.

He nods, head jerking unnaturally, and sobs start to bubble up from his throat. They’re so aggressive they almost sound like screams.

**_Oscar, breathe. You’re having a panic attack. You need to breathe._ **

He inhales so hard he gags.

_I can’t. I can’t breathe!_

**_Yes, you can._ **

_Can’t you do it?_

**_You need to calm down. You’re holding on too tight. I can’t take control when you’re panicking like this._ **

_HELP!_

**_Breathe, Oscar!_ **

_I’m trying! I can’t! HELP ME! I CAN’T GET HIM OFF._

**_Oscar, he’s not here!_ **

_OZPIN!_

**_OSCAR, YOU HAVE TO BREATHE._ **

Weiss’s voice suddenly breaks through the panic. “Oscar! Oscar, can you hear me?”

He nods, because talking is not something he is capable of right now. He’s barely aware of where he is.

“Okay. Listen to me. You need to breathe. Can you do that?”

He shakes his head.

“Here, I’ll help you. Can I take your hand?” When he hesitantly nods his affirmation, she takes the hand that isn’t clutching Ozpin’s cane and lays the back of it against her chest. She inhales deeply and exhales just the same. “Can you feel that? That’s what I need you to do, okay? Can you try?”

He nods again and tries to copy her breathing. It’s difficult at first, but he eventually falls into the rhythm.

In. Out. In. Out.

“That’s good. Just like that.”

**_You’re doing great, Oscar. Just keep breathing._ **

When he can finally breathe on his own, Oscar takes his hand back. It was almost okay, having her hold it, but he prefers to have it to himself.

“You’re safe here,” Weiss says softly. “Nobody is going to hurt you.”

“The slap didn’t hurt,” Oscar says, voice thick with tears. “I didn’t even remember it.”

“I know,” Weiss says.

“They didn’t hurt me. It didn’t hurt.”

“I know.”

“He was just– so close, and he–”

“I know,” Weiss says again, and she sounds like she’s going to cry. “You don’t have to say it.”

“His breath smelled like moldy cigarettes,” Oscar says, because it’s all he can think. “I hated it.”

**_Oscar._ **

“He put his hands up my shirt, and I hated it.”

**_Oscar, you don’t have to say that._ **

“Oh, gods,” Jaune says and staggers back. Nora catches him and holds on to him tightly.

“Sorry, I–” He tries to breathe and fails. Jaune looks so pale Oscar thinks he might faint, but he can’t stop himself from talking. “I’m sorry. I– It was just– so cold. He took off my clothes, and I was really, really–” He chokes. His eyes burn. “–cold.”

Qrow starts cursing, pacing back and forth across the living room. Yang turns away from him and wraps Blake in her arms. Oscar can’t really look at them much, though. His eyes feel like they can’t stay on anything for too long.

**_Oscar._ **

“I hated it _so much._ I couldn’t move. He hit me too hard.” He hiccups. “I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move.”

**_Oscar, stop. You’re going to work yourself into a panic again._ **

“I was really scared,” Oscar says instead of listening. The words just keeping spilling out of him like he’s full of holes. “They wanted money, but I didn’t have any money. I thought they were gonna kill me.” His breathing is speeding up again. He brings his hand to his throat. “He stepped on my throat. I couldn’t breathe. I think they were going to– They were gonna sell me, and he–”

**_Oscar? I’m taking control, okay? You need to calm down._ **

“No, don’t,” Oscar says tearfully.

“Don’t what, Oscar?” Weiss asks carefully.

“It’s Ozpin,” he says. “He’s worried I’m going to panic again. I– I won’t.” He directs this bit at Ozpin. “I’m okay. I just– I needed to– I just– I couldn’t–”

**_It’s okay, I understand. Just try to breathe._ **

“Sometimes it helps to say it,” Weiss says assuringly. “If you need to talk about it, ever, I’m here.”

“Me too,” Ruby says from behind her. “I don’t exactly understand, but I can listen.”

“I can beat whoever did it to death with Magnhild,” Nora says, and her voice is so serious, Oscar has no trouble believing her.

_Oz?_

**_I already told you that I wouldn’t leave, and I meant it._ **

“I’m sorry,” Jaune says, voice unsteady and hands shaking. “I was mad at Ozpin, and I took that out on you, and that wasn’t fair, and now– Look what happened! I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Oscar says. “I mean, what you did definitely wasn’t right, and it _hurt_ , and I was scared, but you– You were just scared, too, and upset. I was the one who ran away without telling anyone. I shouldn’t have done that.”

**_Oscar._ **

“But it’s not my fault either. It’s their fault. They’re the ones who– who decided to do it, not you or– or me.”

“You’re just the one that’s gonna have to live with it,” Qrow says, sudden and bitter. “I shoulda been there, instead of off getting drunk at a bar.”

“You couldn’t have known where I was.”

“But I coulda been out lookin’. We probably coulda found you. And no matter what you say, kid– That’s on me.”

Oscar nods. He doesn’t have the energy to fight Qrow on this, and he’s not even sure if he wants to. That’s something Qrow has to deal with on his own.

**_You should get some sleep._ **

Oscar hums at that. He wouldn’t mind sleeping right now, except that he’s afraid if he closes his eyes, he’ll go right back to that alley.

**_I’ll make sure it stays out of your dreams._ **

_How?_

**_I still have a few tricks up my sleeve that you don’t know about._ **

_You should sleep too._

**_Right now, I’m concerned about you. I’ll sleep later._ **

Oscar doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t argue.

“Okay.”

“What’d he say?” Weiss asks.

“He told me to go to sleep.”

“You should, if you can.”

“He said he can keep me from dreaming,” Oscar tells her. “But he has to be awake to do it, I think.”

**_I’ve practically been sleeping my whole absence. I don’t need any more sleep._ **

_I won’t fight you on it._

“You should wipe your face, first,” Weiss says, holding the rag out again.

Oscar takes it and wipes the blood and vomit and whatever-else off his face, scrubbing roughly so that it really feels gone. One less thing to make him feel disgusting.

**_Are you okay with me taking over?_ **

Oscar pauses.

_Why do you need to?_

**_I don’t. The others might have questions, though, and you should sleep._ **

_Questions about what?_

**_About her._ **

_Ozpin._

**_Don’t worry about me. You should be concerned with yourself._ **

_If you’re going to let them treat you like that, then I’m not leaving. You shouldn’t have to answer questions if they make you that uncomfortable._

**_They have a right to know._ **

_You didn’t make me answer their questions about what happened, so why do you make yourself answer questions that scare you just as much?_

**_It’s not the same thing._ **

_Yeah, it is._

It’s quiet for a moment.

**_Okay. I’ll say something when questioning strays into uncomfortable territory._ **

_Good. They should respect that, after today._

**_I’m going to take control now._ **

_Okay. How do I sleep, though? I’ve never done it without a body before._

**_I’ll help you._ **

Suddenly, Oscar is pulled back into his head and enveloped in that soft aura again. This time, the warmth is heavier, but in a good way. It’s like he’s being swaddled in a thick blanket and shielded from everything bad in the world.

Before he knows it, he’s fallen into unconsciousness.

Ozpin fiddles with the rag in Oscar’s hands while he helps the boy fall asleep. Once he feels Oscar’s consciousness fade into the background, he looks up to the others.

“Oscar is asleep. If you have questions, you can ask them now.”

Ozpin expects an immediate barrage of questions about Salem and their fight to save humanity. Instead, everyone is silent until Jaune speaks softly from his place between Ren and Nora, both of their hands clasped in his.

“Is Oscar gonna be okay?”

It startles him at first, but then Ozpin realizes that of course that’s what they would be concerned about. That’s just who his students are.

“It’s difficult right now, but he’ll be alright. Oscar’s tough, and I will do whatever I can to ease his pain while he comes to terms,” Ozpin assures him, then smiles sadly. “This type of thing happens more often than it should, and plenty of those who have come before him have survived.”

Weiss shifts in front of him awkwardly and asks, “Are you okay, Professor?”

“Miss Schnee, that is a complicated question.” Ozpin sighs, and it feels weird coming from Oscar’s mouth. “And one that you shouldn’t be worrying about.”

“But are you?” Ruby asks.

Ozpin takes in a breath and lets it back out slowly.

“I think I will be,” he answers truthfully, “once time has gone on a bit more and we have gotten further away from today.”

It’s quiet for another long moment until–

“I wanna know why you lied.”

“Yang!” Ruby quietly shouts.

“No,” Yang says sharply, but she also just sounds tired. “We deserve to know. I’m not asking you because I’m mad – I’m passed that, at this point. I just wanna know why you lied about your past with her and let us believe we could defeat her when you knew we couldn’t.”

“I never thought you couldn’t.”

Yang looks genuinely surprised at that. “But Jinn said–”

“What Jinn said is true. Salem cannot die,” Ozpin says. “I knew I could never beat Salem, not in all my lives, and I was never entirely certain of the fact that she couldn’t die, but I was close to it.

“The fact of the matter is, when it comes to Salem, I find I have somewhat of a blind spot. There’s so much about her that I don’t know, or rather, that I’m not sure about. I never know if it’s just me that she has this effect on, or if it’s everyone else as well.

“I didn’t want to talk with you all about it because… well, because explaining this means I have to explain everything about our history together, and very much of that, I do not like to remember. Because I love and hate her in equal parts, and she was sweet before she was bitter, and I can’t ever forget that, but I can also never forget the awful things she’s done to this world and the people in it.”

He takes a breath, grips The Long Memory tightly. His hands won’t stop trembling.

“So, I lied. I lied, because I didn’t want to talk about my past, and maybe that wasn’t entirely fair, but it’s what I did, and I know I will probably do it again. And I lied because you aren’t me. You children, you fine young Huntsmen and Huntresses, you are your own breed, and I thought, and still do think, that you will find a way to do what I never could. I’m sorry if the actions I took in believing that made you feel as though I put you in danger.”

“Professor,” Weiss says. “You’re shaking.”

“Yes,” he says, not entirely hearing her.

For a moment, he’s not in the Cotta-Arcs’ living room.

For a moment, he is a new man, reborn, and Salem is the beautiful wife who brought him back. For a moment, he is back in their mansion, that same man but less new, with four little girls following quietly behind him as he tries to escape with them to safety, and she is screaming and bringing the ceiling down on top of them.

For a moment, he is a young man, barely older than the teens who follow him now, his back is pressed into the hard ground, someone else’s voice is screaming in his head, and she is the woman sliding her hands beneath his clothes, promising to kill him again as soon as she’s finished, and she smiles, because she knows all of his incarnations are helpless to stop her yet again.

He takes in a sharp, sudden breath. He needs to calm down, before his memories leak into Oscar’s dreams.

“Professor Ozpin?”

“Oz, hey. You with us?”

Qrow has come to crouch next to Weiss, and both of them are calling for his attention.

“Yes, I’m here,” he assures. “I was remembering something. My apologies.”

“Sorry,” Yang says, drawing his eyes to her.

“What for, Miss Xiao Long?” Ozpin inquires.

Yang crosses her arms over her chest and looks off to the side, avoiding his gaze. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“You do have a right to know.”

“Yeah, but–” Yang makes an unclear motion with her hands. “Like what Oscar said. We don’t have the right to force you to relive stuff. He told us not to ask you that anymore and– I don’t know. Whatever you were remembering, it looked like it scared you, so– Yeah, sorry. About that.”

Ozpin lifts a hand to Oscar’s face, shocked to realize that his expression had betrayed him. “Oh, my apologies.”

“Stop apologizing, dude,” Yang says awkwardly. “It’s weird. You’re just upset. You’re allowed to have feelings.”

He smiles, and it’s only half-sad. “I’m alright. The things I’m remembering happened a long time ago. With everything that’s happened today, my mind has simply wandered to places it shouldn’t. Don’t worry.”

“No offense, Professor,” Blake says, speaking for the first time, “but what you just said makes me worry more.”

“Yeah, seriously, Oz,” Qrow says, and the way he looks now is so far from the man who punched him in Oscar’s face hard enough to send him flying that Ozpin almost doesn’t recognize him.

Oscar stirs at that memory, but Ozpin quickly soothes him with a sense of safety.

“Professor,” Weiss whispers softly so that only Ozpin and possibly Qrow can hear, “you should talk about it. Not right now, maybe, but it helps. Pretending like it never happened is like letting her win.”

“Thank you, Miss Schnee,” he says, quiet both to match her tone and because his throat is too dry to be any louder. “The sentiment is very much appreciated, but, as I’ve said, it happened a very long time ago.”

She takes his free hand in hers at this and squeezes. He barely hears her when she says, “I was seven. That was twelve years ago, and it still keeps me up some nights.”

Ozpin is suddenly reminded of when she came back from the kitchen with puffy eyes.

He squeezes back. “Miss Schnee, if you ever–”

“I know,” she says. “Just promise you’ll do the same.”

“I am far too old to be placing my problems on the shoulders of children,” he insists.

“Please, Professor,” she whispers, voice thick just like Oscar’s had been. “It will make things worse for Oscar, too.”

“Okay,” he finally says. Oscar is his top priority right now, and he knows she’s right about the effect this will have on him. At the very least, he can say that he’ll try.

“Thank you.”

“Weiss,” Ruby’s high voice pitches in, “Professor Ozpin, can I–” She swallows and takes a breath. “Can I just give you both a hug?”

“Ruby,” Weiss sobs out, and tears have started down her cheeks.

“Of course, Miss Rose,” Ozpin says calmly, and he has to try very hard to swallow past the lump in his throat.

In a flutter of rose petals, Ruby is by their sides and envelopes them in her arms. Weiss turns her head and tucks her face into the cavity between her teammate’s jaw and shoulder. Ozpin just lets Ruby hold him and tries not to let his tears fall.

He’s decided that he won’t cry.

But then, Oscar shifts in their head. Ozpin thinks he’s about to have a nightmare, but instead, a bright warmth washes over him. It’s not a conscious thing, because Oscar is still fast asleep, but he reaches out and wraps Ozpin in his consciousness without even meaning to.

_It’s safe here._

The thought is wispy and gone immediately, like the kind of thought you have to yourself when you’re only half-awake, except it feels almost directed at him, like Oscar can tell that he’s scared. Like he’s trying to comfort Ozpin the same way Ozpin comforted him in that alley.

That’s what sends him over.

He doesn’t sob or scream or anything like that, but his eyes burn, and salty tears leak out of them. A sense of almost relief comes with the action.

He hasn’t cried in years.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into Ruby’s shoulder, and he’s not sure who he’s apologizing to. Maybe to Ruby, for crying on her shoulder when he knows he should be better than that, or to Oscar, for not stepping in soon enough. Or maybe to himself, for never admitting that, even after all this time, it still hurts.

“It’s okay, Professor,” Ruby says, and she sounds like she wants to cry, too. “I’ve got you.”

And it’s stupid, because this girl is barely seventeen – a child by any standards, not just his own – but the idea that she’s “got” him, that she’s here to make sure he doesn’t slip away, to make sure he’s safe, actually reassures him. It’s something that not even adults have been able to do in centuries.

When Ruby finally pulls away, allowing Weiss to swipe at her eyes as discreetly as possible, Ozpin quietly utters, “Thank you for that, Miss Rose.”

“Of course,” she says easily, like it’s the simplest thing in the world. To her, it probably is. “I think we all needed a hug after that.”

“Indeed,” he says, his voice cracking.

“We could all use some sleep,” Qrow pipes up.

“Yeah,” Blake agrees.

“You could sleep in our room,” Weiss offers. “There obviously aren’t enough beds, but you could sleep on the floor with Yang and I, if you want.”

“You could even take my bed,” Ruby offers. “I don’t mind the floor.”

It’s a not-so-subtle invitation, a statement of options, because Oscar and Ozpin already share a room with Team JNR and have since they all got here.

“It’s okay,” Jaune says when Ozpin takes too long. “You should both be able to sleep without feeling threatened. I’m not going to hold that against you or Oscar.”

Ozpin nods to him, mouth dry. He wasn’t even there, but he can remember the way Oscar felt when Jaune grabbed him by the collar and threw him against a wall.

He turns back to Team RWBY, patiently awaiting his answer.

“Thank you, Miss Rose, but you can keep your bed,” Ozpin says, then hesitates. “I think that… Oscar wouldn’t mind, sharing a room with you.”

“Okay,” Weiss says and doesn’t press for more. She’s stopped crying, but her eyes are red around the edges again. “Let’s go to bed, then.”

“Lead the way, Miss Schnee.”

“Just Weiss is fine.”

The corner of Ozpin’s mouth turns up just a bit. “Then, lead the way, Weiss.”

She does, her teammates at her heels. One of Ruby’s hands rests at the taller girl’s elbow.

Ozpin follows after them, giving them space until Ruby turns to him and offers up her other hand. When he can’t think of a good enough reason to refuse it, he grasps her hand and lets her pull him along to the room.

For the first time in a very long time, when he closes his eyes that night, he doesn’t dream of Salem, or anything else.

Oscar sleeps peacefully, and the feeling persists in Ozpin’s consciousness as well. When he closes his eyes, he feels their souls press into each other, intertwined but distinctly their own, and he lets himself sink into the strangely new-and-old feeling.

For the first time in a very long time – at least since he’s been Ozpin and probably before – he sleeps and doesn’t have a single nightmare.


End file.
